Fragile Rose, Strong Vine
by Izumi-no-Junko
Summary: Tavros doesn't have a lot left to live for, after all he's just a burden on everyone but one person seemed to have been watching him through all his struggles. Crappy summery is crappy, its a HumanStuck, high school setting for TavrosEquius. Its rated T for now but I'm never sure where things will go. Please R&R if you'd like !
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_A text message, a fall_

"Taaaaaaaavroooooooos."

Great. This is just what I needed today.

"Or should I say Torasnore. Seriously. You're so laaaaaaaame."

I failed to fight off a frown. I'd just told my friends I would be bowing out of the trip to the bowling alley that they'd just been planning. Its not like it was something I could even really do since I was stuck in a wheelchair, a fact that Vriska seemed to think was completely inconsequential.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to, uh upset you like that."

"Urg. Grow a backbone. Come on. Lets go before Torasnore puts me to sleep with his lameness."

I watched them go, laughing and goofing off as they left me behind. They always looked like they were having so much fun. Maybe Vriska was right about me being boring. That was fine though, I'd gotten used to being alone. Things had been different when I was just a kid but now the wheels that moved me also bound me. No one wanted to change their plans just because I couldn't do anything they deemed fun. The sigh that escaped my lips was a traitor. Maybe it did bother me more than I wanted to admit.

I turned my chair, spotting another of my friends chatting with one of her acquaintances. She was talking as animatedly as usual, I could see her hands flailing wildly, but his dark glasses seemed to be pointed in my direction. Something about his blank expression set the hairs on my arm on edge. He was always so unnerving. I didn't know him well, we'd never been introduced, but I knew of him through my friends. He was a year older than most of my friends, he and Nepeta had been friends for years. He looked so severe, the total opposite of my happy go lucky friend. I didn't understand it. Even now feeling like he was looking at me made me uneasy.

The wind picked up and the strange boy turned away.

School was out but I didn't want to go home. I would be just as alone there as I was here. The silence there was full of old wounds and empty reminders. I barely saw my father anymore, he worked so hard to keep up with paying for all of my and my brother's medical bills. Once upon a time I would have asked Gamzee to keep me company but he'd been committed a year ago after a night I never wanted to remember. After a night I couldn't forget. There was really only one place I could go to get away from all of those memories.

Up here the breezes were stronger, tugging my unstyled mohawk this way and that. The school's elevator went all the way up to the roof if you had a key to use the thing. It was my favourite place. From up here I could see the bowling alley I would never again go to, I could see the building I'd always called home. Four stories, this was higher than the fall that had taken everything from me. Staring at the concrete below I could still hear Vriska's voice telling me to fly as her little girl hands pushed me off the balcony. Funny, the distance had scared me so much then, when the ground had been closer. Now it just seemed inviting.

Life had been so much easier when I was younger, back before I lost the use of my legs, before my brother lost even more than I. Even a year ago things had been better because at least then I had Gamzee but something inside him had snapped and he was gone until whatever broke was fixed. I was nothing but a burden to everyone and everything was a burden to me. Even the books and games I had so loved in my childhood just reminded me that I was good for nothing more than being a verbal punching bag. The only person who went out of their way to talk to me was Vriska and she only wanted to tell me how worthless and boring I really was. Sometimes I wished I had the guts to remind her that it was her fault I was stuck in this wheelchair but on top of everything else I was nothing more than a coward.

My wheels bumped the edge of the roof, my useless feet nearly dangling over the void.

"What do you think you're doing."

It wasn't a question. I didn't recognize the voice, soft yet commanding. Internally I panicked, the voice didn't sound old enough to be a teacher's but I couldn't think of anyone else who would be up here. Hands grabbed the handles on the back of my wheelchair, pulling me with enough force that I slipped off the seat, unprepared for the sudden movement. I was sprawled across the rooftop, inches from the edge I'd been contemplating just a moment ago.

"Sorry." A large, pale hand came into view, then another to pull me off the ground as if I weighed nothing at all.

"Its uh, okay." My cheeks went hot as I was placed back in my damned chair. The blood refused to leave my face as I glanced up at my companion. The strange boy still wore his dark glasses but with his profile in view I could see his eyebrows knit together in the only emotion I'd ever seen from him. The silence around us was uncomfortable and it took me a moment to realize he was still waiting for me to offer up an explanation. "I um, was just you know, looking."

It was a weak excuse and we both knew it.

"Looking." His tone was flat. The echoes of the word died out as his large hands returned to the handlebars. This time the movement was smooth as he turned me away from my planned fate, guiding me back to the small box that had delivered me here. It was even smaller this time, his frame took up more space than I did. "Next time you go looking bring a friend."

"O-okay."

He wheeled me to the front entrance, towards the orange tinted sun. At the sidewalk the weight on my seat lifted. He took a place beside me, severe gaze on the empty road before us. He looked contemplative as he requested my cell phone. At least I assumed it was a request, it seemed that everything he said sounded more like a demand than anything else. Confused I handed it over, watching him from the corner of my eye. His shoulder length hair fell over his face as his fingers flew over the keyboard. Without another word he handed it back and started down the sidewalk away from me. My face flushed as I stared at the phone that had been placed in my lap. My contact list had been left open on the 'add new' screen and I stared at the name before saving it.

Equius Zahhak.

When my phone buzzed that night I was surprised to find a text message from someone other than my father, who only messaged to tell me he was coming home late.

Equius: D- I know they give you a hard time and call you weak

Equius: D- Your so called friends

Equius: D- But I wanted to tell you that I think

Equius: D- After all that you've been through

Equius: D- You might be one of the STRONGEST people I know

That was it, a series of short text messages that left me more confused than ever. Equius and I had never spoken before today, how could he know anything about me at all. Unless of course Nepeta told him, she was one of the few people that listened when I needed someone to talk to. I could feel the warmth spread under the freckles that spotted my face. Whatever the reason behind his message it brought a fluttering to my heart that I hadn't felt in years. That night as sleep drew its dark curtain there was one face that remained, expressionless yet handsome with eyes hidden behind dark lenses.

((A/N: Hey all~! I hope you enjoy this story, its a comprehensive version of the short TavEq stories I've been working on. This is the first long fanfiction I've ever attempted so I hope you all enjoy it, I'll do my very best. I'm not sure how long its going to be yet but I'll keep going until its done~!

Please feel free to R&R I love getting feedback~!))


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**  
_Summer Surprises, Lost Moments_

Summer was here. I hated the summer. It was hard enough convincing my friends to spend time with me during the school year but in the summer everyone had better things to do then spend their time with their wheelchair bound friend. Most of them spent the summer running various LARPing campaigns, something I couldn't do anymore even if I wanted too. When I was much younger my summers were spent at Nepeta's farm, their family had a small stable. I loved to ride. Something else I could never do again. Even she was busy in the summer, helping out with the animals. All I had were books and stories.

Unlike most of my friends I actually liked school if only because the angst teenage crowd was a form of company. I wasn't sure what was worse though, being home alone with all the things I wanted to forget or being at school remembering that day when I almost felt was it was like to fly again. My unknown saviour's face was still etched into my mind, even if I hadn't seen him since that day. I hadn't really seen anyone but somehow I'd been feeling less alone despite the summer's arrival.

Doubtless to say when my phone buzzed one afternoon with a fresh text message I was surprised.

Nepeta: :33 *Nepeta bounces over to say hello*

Tavros: uH, i SAY HELLO BACK, aND UH, wONDER HOW i CAN HELP YOU

Nepeta: :33 H33H33 well, I just wanted to ask if you're doing anything tomewrow!

Tavros: nO, i DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS, uH EVER

Nepeta: :33 Purrfect! Do you still live in that appurrtment complex near the school?

Travos: yES

Nepeta: :33 Even better! Be outside tomewrow around noon then okay?

Travos: uH OKAY BUT, wHY?

Nepeta: :33 Its a secret! :33

It was more than strange but it stirred something inside me. I found myself looking forward to the next day. That startled me more than the text message. How long had it been since I had looked forward to anything? Since the first day of my confinement to this chair I had started to die inside. Was this what it had been like to live? With the odd text on my mind I found my usual refuges within the pages of my books impossible to visit, instead time crawled by as the sun started to set.

By the time the elevator took me down to the lobby I was already regretting my decision. Surprises had never been something I enjoyed, I disliked them even more these days. When I rolled myself onto the sidewalk I wasn't certain that I wouldn't throw up the small breakfast I'd had. I was hunting for my keys to go back in when it sounded like a car pulled up to the curb. I froze, back facing whoever had just exited the car.

"Tavros."

My name was called by a voice I had not heard since that fateful day. I'd been waiting to hear it, I hadn't realized that until it rang in my ears. My wheels squeaked as I turned back around. He was just as large and intimidating as I remembered. What was he even doing here?

"Are you ready to go?" He opened the car's backseat door as he asked, expression unreadable behind dark glass.

"Uh, I guess." I wheeled myself over to where he stood waiting, more confused than I had been before. He was friends with Nepeta, perhaps she had asked him for help in transporting me? She didn't usually have access to a car to make travel easier for me so that would make sense. But then why had she not said as much the day before? I tried not to let my worry show on my face though I knew my nerves had furrowed my brow. The silence only strained them further. At the edge of the curb I stared into the car, uncertain if I was really meant to get it. Lost in thought a thud upon the handles behind me brought me back to the present. The hands held my wheelchair steady as I pulled myself into the cool car interior.

I was blushing, I could feel it. Normally my friends would have insisted they lift me onto the seat rather than let me do it myself. Did they not realize that in the solitude of my home I was left to do such things alone? The confidence that I could handle the simple task made my stomach flutter from something other than nerves. They returned once more when the silence settled in again. Equius sat in the front of the car, his straight dark hair acting as a curtain between us. Even his driver was quiet for the duration of the trip. I stared at the scenery passing me by, wondering where we were going. Nepeta's family's farm was on the other side of town from here.

I balked against the seat when we turned into one of the ritzier houses in town. I'd never been this way before, my family could barely afford the apartment and medical bills in the dangerous neighbourhood. I didn't know why I was surprised, I had known Equius had come from a better off family, everyone had said so, I just hadn't been expecting to be a guest at his house. With the car stopped my silent host brought my chair out of the trunk where he had stowed it, holding it in place once more for me while I dragged my useless legs out of the car. The house was big, with sweeping stairs leading up to the main door. About to point out the problem with that I noticed a ramp, hidden artfully behind the front garden bushes. Despite it being in hiding the concrete looked new. I wondered to myself if it had been newly installed though why he would need a ramp here I had no idea.

Inside was just as grand and a lot less friendly for my chair. The sullen boy mumbled an apology as he hoisted myself and the chair down the stairs. It seemed nearly effortless for him. I was jealous of his strength, something I would never possess again, at least not in a full bodied sense. The room he deposited me in was brightly lit and littered with metal and wire. He left me by the door to rummage though what looked to be a multilevel toolbox. The sounds of shifting metal filled the room for a moment before he turned to stare at me though those ever present lenses.

"Remove your pants."

My eyes went wide as I struggled for words.

"Uh, what?"

His eyebrows knit together and he looked puzzled.

"Did Nepeta not tell you what we are doing?"

"N-no." My words were a little more than a squeak, my hair whipping wildly about as I shook my head. This only made his frown deepen.

"I needed something to occupy my time this summer. Nepeta and I were thinking that you could assist in that." My face was just as confused as before. "I wanted to see if I could create something to assist with your legs."

"My legs?"

"Yes. We both thought it would be an interesting thing to attempt. Is it not okay with you?" I silently cursed the frames upon his face, his stoney expression was totally unreadable though his tone sounded disapproving.

"Uh no, that's um, fine with me but…" My hands twisted themselves into knots in my lap. Nervous didn't even begin to cover what I was feeling. "Why do I have to uh, take off my pants?" The end of that question was barely more than a high pitched whisper.

"I need to take measurements and assess them. If you are uncomfortable with the ah, situation then you may wear these as well." Equius didn't have to fish for what he was referring to, the folded fabric he searched for already placed on his work bench. Somehow that lessened my embarrassment over the whole thing, it was as if he had already thought ahead and knew that my response was a possibility. Wordlessly he handed me a pair of shorts and slipped out of the workroom to give me some privacy. I was thankful for the shorts until I actually had to put them on. Changing was always a bit of a chore that I never looked forward to but in the end the worst part of the ordeal was actually the article of clothing itself. True I was glad to be wearing two layers still but honestly, where Equius had gotten these from I didn't want to know.

The mysterious boy said nothing about it when he returned to find me in the smallest shorts ever. My face was a permanent flushed shade that only deepened when I realized he was in fact staring, a strange look obviously fighting for a grip. In the end he was able to hold onto the unreadable expression he was so good at.

The tension and awkward atmosphere only worsened as the day went on. Up on a worktable that had been made a little more comfortable with a few decorative pillows I lay, uncertain of what to do or say as strong hands ran themselves along the length of my legs, measuring, flexing and testing the flesh for when the feeling returned. I know I squeaked more than once every time those surprisingly gentle fingers found the places that I had not lost in the fall. My face was on fire from just where he was touching. After the last startled noise from my mouth I found that my interesting view of the ceiling was obscured by an angled face.

Eyes a deeper blue than the ocean peered over the tops of his shaded glasses, eyebrows furrowed in concern. I was too lost in sapphires to remember that his hands hand been somewhere on my hips just a moment ago. I was aware of them once more when I felt them slide up my torso, one resting on my shoulder lightly. "Are you alright. Did I cause some sort of distress."

"Uh no. Just um, startled me is all." Words that were more breath than sound managed to answer his question as I tried not to think about how close his face was to mine. Was it just me or was it getting closer? Something strange hung in the air between us, nearly tangible as the hand not on my shoulder found its way to my cheek. My breath caught in my throat as the realization that something was about to happen even though I wasn't sure what.

"Master Equius. I have your tea for this afternoon and I just wanted to remind you that your show is about to come on." Equius pulled away from me so quickly that I wasn't sure what had actually happened. Had I just imagined the moment I thought had passed? In the doorway stood the most respectable looking man I'd ever seen holding a tray with more than one glass and a plate of various snacks. He looked completely unfazed by whatever it was that had just passed, focused instead upon serving us. It took me a moment to realize that the man must have been a butler of some sort. It was a mind boggling concept.

"Thank you Aurthour. That is perfect. You can return to your other duties." With a polite nod the man left, taking with him the possibility of a moment that I was sorry to have lost.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter** 3  
_A dark room, a helping hand_

I was openly staring at my host. I couldn't help it. I'd been over a few times already this summer as Equius worked on various stages of his project but I still was surprised to find out that this of all things was his favourite show. I'd come over today because he wanted to make sure a certain piece fit properly which had only taken a few moments to check but he'd asked if I wanted to stay for the afternoon. I was grateful for the company, even if conversation was something that didn't seem to be in the cards. I'd brought a book with me so that I wouldn't be in his way as he worked. He had always seemed so patient before so when I heard something hit the floor with considerable force and what passed for an expletive in Equius's vocabulary I was startled.

"I'm sorry." He was fighting with his composure, his strong jaw working against what I assumed was another shout. Beads of sweat rolled down from his forehead, he was clearly upset over whatever was giving him trouble. "It seems that I need to take a break. That is a particularly difficult part and I am getting frustrated. Would you care to watch something with me?"

"Uh, sure." I didn't particularly want to stop reading, I was at one of the most exciting parts of the book but the older boy's project was for me in the end and I wasn't going to be rude and turn him down. He just nodded in response to my answer and grabbed the back of my chair. I squeaked unhappily which must have surprised him because I felt the weight drop away quickly enough to jostle me. "Uh, I'm sorry. Its just um, you should you know, uh ask before you just push me around."

My ears were burning. I hadn't mentioned it to him before because the only other time he'd done it was that first day and I wasn't in my right mind when he had. If he'd asked me then I would have told him no and probably end up in the same position my brother was in right now. He'd treated me with such respect that it never occurred to me that he wouldn't know it was rude to just assume I wanted to be moved like that. I was used to a few of my friends doing it, mostly the ones who I tried not to spend any time with but when Equius did it, it startled me.

"I'm sorry. I was unaware that I was causing such distress."

"Its um, okay. I just, wanted to let you know." My fingers twisted in the fabric of my jeans, too nervous to meet his gaze. I hadn't meant to upset him but there was a restraint in his voice that I had only heard before when he was frustrated with something. "But we can uh, still watch something."

Equius didn't say anything in return to my statement, though he did leave the workroom. It took me a moment before i realized I was probably supposed to follow him out into the hallway. Even though I'd been here a few times the sheer size of his house astounded me. Maybe that was because I'd grown up in a small three bedroom apartment but still, this place seemed needlessly big. Even with the workroom that looked like it took up half of the basement's space there was still clearly room for an entertainment room that was furnished as a home theater. The only real difference I could see was a couch rather than individual chairs in front of the screen. Equius vanished out of the room nearly as soon as I had rolled over to the couch's edge.

I could hear his heavy steps going up the stairs, had I upset him? He was so hard for me to understand, his face was always unreadable and he never said much. I tried not to worry about it as I locked the wheels on my chair so that I could hoist myself onto the soft cushions. I was thankful he wasn't in the room when I did that, I nearly slipped when the couch proved to be softer than I expected. My lack of coordination was something I didn't want him to see, he already knew I was useless. Seated properly I waited, trying not to fidget with my clothes. Why I was so concerned about what Equius thought I didn't know. I'd gotten so used to knowing that everyone assumed I was stupid and concomitant that I couldnt figure out why I so desperately wished he wouldn't see me that way.

The smell of butter and movie theaters wafted in the door and I realized why he'd left. A large bowl of popcorn and two cold cans of soda were cradled in his strong arms as he took a spot next to me on the couch, closer than I had expected. The he set the bowl down in the small space between us before handing me the drink. The condensation on the outside proved to be too much for my clumsy hands and I dropped the can after a moment of fumbling. I groaned, it landed at my feet, out of my reach. My face was on fire when Equius silently bent over to retrieve it, he stretched across me to place it on the end table. God, could I have come across as any more of an idiot? Still I was grateful that he didn't laugh at me, there wasn't even the slightest twitch of a smile on his lips. Most of my other friends would have used it as an opportunity to make fun of me.

I don't know what it was that I had been expecting when he pressed the play button, maybe a science fiction movie or something as serious as him but when the screen lit up with bright colors and blasted happy music I was taken aback.

"Have you ever seen this show before?" His voice was just as hard as always, a harsh contrast to the television's performance.

"Uh no, I haven't."

"Oh well then, I shall return to the first episode and we can watch it from there."

I knew I was supposed to be watching the show but as _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ spanned across the screen I found myself staring from the corner of my eye at Equius. Bathed in the ever changing light his usually mysterious face had broken into a large smile, he was clearly enjoying this. I'd heard nothing but good things about the show but usually those things had come from friends who usually enjoyed cartoons of some sort, Equius has always seemed like the kind who would have hated cartoons even as a kid. Something in my chest fluttered as I watched that smile. This was a side of him I had never dreamed of seeing. It was a side I would have never imagined existed. His friendship with Nepeta was suddenly understandable if this was the side of him she saw when others did not. Like he was still just a big kid, enjoying a lighthearted show about the power of friendship.

After the first fifteen minutes I finally managed to tear my eyes away from him, watching the show to try and distract my confusing thoughts. I actually found myself enjoying the show as well, the characters were just so adorable. Before we knew it bowl of popcorn was empty, time slipping by as episode after episode passed. My mind occupied with the show I didn't see that my hand was reaching for the last few pieces as his was. The large hand that rested gently on top of mine startled me. I started to pull away, to leave the last of the snack for him but the fingers closed around my hand before I could. The grip wasn't a tight one, I still could have tugged it away if I wanted to but I couldn't seem to make myself move. I turned to face him, his eyes were still glued to the screen but there was the barest hint of pink along his cheeks that wasn't from the screen. My gaze shifted to his hand on mine, it looked so strange, his pale flesh against my tanned skin. My hand, which I had never thought to be overly small, was nearly swallowed by his. I liked it.

At some point the bowl was moved, our wrists aching from its edge. Still nothing was said between us beyond a small chuckle or two over the show. I could feel it getting late, my eyes getting harder and harder to open after every blink but I didn't want to move. It was more than just being entertained by the show, there was an electricity running through my arm that started at his hand. It was something I hadn't felt since Gamzee had been locked away. Even then it wasn't the same, there was something softer in it, something sweeter. It made my heart flutter excitedly, it made me feel safe.

It was getting late enough that I didn't realize I slipped sleep until I woke up. My head had found its way to his shoulder, if by its own accord or if it was placed there I wasn't sure. The show still played, though the volume was softer. Beneath me I could feel his chest rise and fall with the same deep breathes that sleep had brought me. From here I could see the profile of his face, relaxed and serene as he dreamed of something I didn't know. In my ear his heartbeat thudded out a steady rhythm, I could feel my own trying to match it before it sped up.

I was struck with a courage I'd never experienced before as I slowly sat up, trying not to wake him. When I was certain he was still lost in dreamland I stretched up as best I could and brushed my lips along one of his high cheekbones. He didn't wake but a smile found its way to his lips. I settled back into place and tried to watch the show as I waited for him to wake up so I could go home. None of what was on the screen registered as I tried to figure out why I had kissed his cheek and why I wished I was brave enough to do more.

((A/N: Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter~! I just wanted to say if anyone spots any errors, such as spelling, grammar or unrealistic things, please let me know. Often if I mess up its because I didn't know it was an error and I don't want to continue being ignorant. ANYWAY please enjoy, let me know what you guys think, I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my work~! Enjoy~!))


	4. Chapter 4

The summer was coming to an end. A week ago Equius had shown up at my apartment with a large box on a dolly. He'd come in for the first time and though he didn't say anything I could see his jawline harden at the sight of it. My face flushed deeply, embarrassed at the obvious differences in our living arrangements. My home had seemed smaller than ever with his large frame and strange boxes taking up so much space in my cluttered room. The tips of my ears burned as I watched him look about my room through my bangs. No one had come over since before my accident other than Gamzee and the decorations had stayed the same since then. How childish I must have seemed to the older boy now. The silence that stretched between us crushed me.

When the quiet was finally disturbed it was so that the contents of the box could finally be revealed. Equius had finally finished his project, it was time for me to actually test the braces that had take up so much of his time. My heart was racing as fabric was tugged down so that metal could slide up. When the grey meet with the less useless flesh it startled me, cold. To keep my mind off of it I watched Equius's furrowed brow as he tugged and tampered with all the little dials on the tops of the device. When the moment of truth came my heart pounded so hard that I was sure it would break through my ribs. My breathing was shallow and I trembled when he helped me to swing the metal around, artificial feet flat on the floor.

Strong, steady hands under my elbows I stood for the first time in years. The rest of the day was spent getting used to the sensations that I had thought had been lost to me forever. By the time Equius left accompanied by stars I could shuffle across the living room to the door and back to the couch. Equius barely cracked a smile as if the miracle he created was nothing out of the ordinary. He'd given me back something that I thought Vriska had stolen forever.

I'd been practicing with them, still shaky but thrilled to be moving without the aid of wheels. Still the week of wonder was tainted by an absence. I hadn't realized how much I had looked forward to the brief messages and awkward visits from Equius. Before the summer I had barely known him but now, now I found myself actually wishing I could see him again. Why hadn't he messaged even just to check up on the legs? I mean I could understand if he wasn't interested in how I was doing but I would have figured he would be interested in the legs since he put so much effort into them. A bright chirping chime from my phone nearly dragged me out of the funk I was in until I saw that the sender of the text was not Equius. Silently I chided myself, just because it wasn't him didn't mean that I wasn't happy to hear from someone.

Nepeta: :33 *nepeta tackles her friend in a happy greeting*  
Tavros: oH, uH, i SAY HELLO, pRETENDING THAT MY BALANCE IS NOT SUPER SHITTY  
Nepeta: :33 *the frolicking feline wonders if you are busy tomewrow at all*  
Travros: i REPLY WITH A NO, bECAUSE I AM NEVER BUSY  
Nepeta: :33 *nepeta wonders if you'd like to come over and visit because one of her hoofbeast wards just has an adorable foal.*  
Tavros: tHAT WOULD BE REALLY FUN, i THINK, aND I WOULD LIKE TO IF ITS NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE  
Tavros: i UH, sAY  
Nepeta: :33 *the perfectly happy hunter is excited you'll come and lets you know that she will pick you up tomewrow morning bright and early.*  
Nepeta: :33 *she also suggests that the foal may be in n33d of a name if you would like to do the honours.*  
Tavros: uH, i CAN DO THAT, tHE TIME IS NO PROBLEM AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT  
Nepeta: :33 Wonderfur, I will s33 you then.  
Nepeta: :33 Goodnight!

I felt a little guilty after I returned her evening wishes. Maybe my friends were often too busy to try and spend time with me but I realized that I'd probably been neglectful myself of them. It would be nice to see Nepeta, it had been years since I'd been able to get out to her family's farm but the gift her closest friend had bestowed on me was returning that possibility. Maybe he had done them all for her, so that she could spend time with an old friend once more. It certainly made more sense than him making them for me in particular. It was with cautious excitement that I finally managed to drift to sleep, dreams of horses and old times racing though my head.

Nepeta was probably more excited to see me standing outside than I was the first time I slid the legs on. I had to remind her more than once that I was barely stable with them yet and if she pounced on me it would end with us both falling over into a heap. Even with that warning I couldn't promise that I wouldn't end up in a heap anyway. Still it was an amazing feeling, when we finally got to her property and I found myself standing out in a field just taking in the wind as it whipped around me. Admittedly the grass and gravel was harder for me to navigate that I had expected but my gracious host managed to steer me down a path I had long sense thought I would never see again. She left me leaning against a fence as she run off to hunt down the little foal that I had come to see.

I closed my eyes and just let the sun warm my skin. With the worn wood beneath my hands I felt like I was a child again, here to go riding and escape from reality in a daydream of knights and fantasy. For a moment I felt as though I was racing forward, lance in hand, ready to rescue a princess from a terrible monster but then a shift of weight made metal squeak and I was just myself again. I could hear light laughter float across to reach my ears and I let the light back into my eyes. I could see what looked like a mother and her foal trot out into the lush field. Nepeta bounced all the way back to me, her grin infectious. Out here I could almost forget how heavy my heart felt with his unexpected absence.

"So Tavros, any idea on a name?"

"I was um, thinking maybe, wait. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A boy."

"Oh um, then, I was going to say Tinkerbell, like uh, in Peter Pan but if its a boy… Tinkerbull?" The name stumbled out of my mouth, I wasn't even sure where it had come from. I liked it, even if it did seem stupid, reminded me of my favourite story even now.

"That's really cute Tavros!" Her words were hard to make out through her giggle. "I've gotta go let my dad know okay? I'll be right back." She was off as quickly as she came. I didn't mind the little foal was testing his legs in the gawky awkward manner of a creature with limbs too long. I had needed this. It reminded me that not everything in life had to be grim. It didn't take long for the little being to try to run, stumbling over something hidden within the green.

"Not very graceful."

The deep, echoing voice was the last thing I'd expected to hear. My mouth opened and closed once, twice, three time before I managed to voice a response that I hoped didn't give away my nervousness with a shake.

"They never are when they're little. But um, he'll grow up to be just as strong as his mother."

"So will you."

I hadn't turned to face him when he first spoke but I did now when I felt something jostle the fence. He leaned on it as well, far closer than had expected. A familiar flush made its way to my cheeks as I turned my eyes down, staring hard at the grain beneath my fingers.

"I… I doubt it. I'm uh, pretty weak."

Frustration coloured the unexpected sight and it made me turn quicker than I should have. I stumbled, the only thing keeping me from hitting the ground was a large strong hand. He steadied me and I wished that I had the courage to reach up and shift the glasses long enough to see his eyes. To see what he was hiding in the depths of them. I felt his grip loosen and I expected him to let his hand drop but instead it wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. My brain unsure of what was happening, only managed to process just how tender the embrace was even with all the strength within his arms.

"Tavros." His words were murmured into my ear. "You are one of the strongest people I know."

His arms loosen and I feel his body slipping away from mine. Without permission my own arms reach out to anchor him in place, in the hopes of feeling this just a little longer. His arms dropped away entirely, his torso stiff. I glanced up at a face that looked pained and wished there was something, anything I could do to ease it. One deep breath, that's all it took and I gathered all the courage I had ever hand to stretch myself up so that my lips could graze his. I wasn't tall enough, they brushed against his chin.

It seemed to break whatever spell was laid upon him. I was drawn in once more as his mouth bent down to brush against mine. There as more uncertainty behind it than I could have ever thought possible of the boy. There was nothing more to the kiss than light, soft pressure but it had me caught in a moment I would never forget. It didn't last long enough, a peel of laughter pulled us apart. All at once his face was smooth of emotion again and I wondered what it was that just passed between us. Nepeta wore a knowing smile on her face as she called us both over, her family was insisting we both stay for dinner.

We didn't get another moment alone and no words of substance were passed between us for the rest of the night but when we went to leave he offered to be the one to drive me home. This time he sat in the back with me, large hand holding mine while we both struggled to find words hoping that the simple touch would be enough.

((A/N: I'm sorry this took me so long guys, I got some time off from work but instead of writing like I planned I ended up having to clean up a flooding bathroom. Thank you all for your continued support~! Enjoy everyone~!))


	5. Chapter 5

((A/N: There are possible triggers in this chapter. Its actually why I took so long getting it out to you all. I rewrote it a few times because it was actually really hard for me and in the end I tried to tone it down for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter I'm sorry if it upsets any of you. If you don't think you'll be able to read this chapter because of possible triggers (I tried to keep it mild) please see the end of the chapter, I'll put in a quick summary. Also I tried to make this chapter extra long to make up for the wait.))

**Chapter 5**

_A darkened stair, a fall_

Little in my life had been enjoyable for the last few years until this past summer and while school had never been any more horrible than anything else this year it was unbearable. Maybe it was that the summer had been better than anything I had ever imagined or maybe it was that the first day of school had brought such disappointments. I didn't know. All I did know was that I wished more than anything that the fall had never come. The pain of loneliness which had dulled over the years was fresh once more.

The first day at school I had caught Equius's eye from across the school yard. He'd started a smile, I could see the corners of his mouth twitch but the crowd shifted and his dark glasses must have caught sight of something he didn't like because the frown that followed was severe. He hadn't spoken to me since that day in the meadow. Every time I caught a glimpse of him in the halls he would turn form me, vanishing into the ever present mass of bodies. I'd done something wrong. What I'd done I had no clue but clearly it was enough to be pushed from his life entirely. That had been more than three weeks ago and every night since then I'd gone to sleep, his face in my mind. Sometimes it was the face that wore the soft smile that lingered after the kiss. Most times it was the harsh frown cut the connection between us seemingly indefinitely.

It killed me that every chime of my phone sent me scrambling to see if maybe he was going to break the silence. Apparently our friendship or whatever it had been, was just a summer thing.

Nepeta: :33 *Nepeta frowns and unhappily remarks that she has no idea why her best friend is being such a dummy these days*

Tavros: iTS ALRIGHT, i UH, jUST WONDERED IF HE HAD SAID ANYTHING

Tavros: tO YOU ABOUT, aNYTHING I GUESS

Nepeta: :33 I'm sorry Tavros he hasn't :((

Nepeta: :33 He's been kinda quiet lately though

Nepeta: :33 Maybe he's just working on another project, that tends to make him unsociable

Tavros: oH, oKAY THAT SOUNDS UM, rEASONABLE

Nepeta: :33 *Nepeta gives her good furrend a big hug and tells him to keep his chin up befur bounding off to do her chores*

Even Nepeta didn't seem to know what was going on. Or if she did she wasn't saying anything, probably to spare my feelings. All I wanted to do these days was curl up under my blankets and forget the world existed. If it wasn't for my father I might have done just that rather than just pretending that everything was okay, that everything was the same.

Things weren't the same. It was actually obvious in my schoolwork. Rather than just doing the minimum amount of work required to pass I threw myself into assignments. I needed something to keep myself occupied. I could see it in my teachers's faces. They were surprised but none of them said a thing as if they were afraid that if they did it would break the spell that had turned me into a model student. There was one thing that schoolwork could not stop my from doing. Try as I might I couldn't keep myself from searching for him, even after I'd given up all hope.

What made everything worse was that there was someone who decided not to ignore me, someone I really didn't want to bother with. Vriska had never been my biggest fan but for some reason she had decided now was the time to try and make my life more of a living hell. She was in a few of my classes and at every chance she had she would put herself into work groups with me just for a chance to tell me how stupid I was at everything. I wished I had the guts to stand up to her and point out that she wasn't overly bright herself and that it was mostly luck that got her anywhere.

I knew things had gotten bad when I found myself missing Gamzee. He'd been hospitalized the year before after an incident that put two of his classmates into critical condition. I only went to see him once, it had broken my heart. He'd been little more than a husk, empty of the light and laughter that had made Gamzee who he was. His eyes had given me nightmares. Cold and hollow, hungry for something to fill them. Something I didn't want to know the identity of. Karkat visited him sometimes, he would update me the next time he saw me. I knew Gamzee missed me, the healthier he got the more he asked for me. I still couldn't make myself go.

Now I cursed myself for not having the strength to go and see him. Maybe we would never be what we once were but he was still my friend. He stuck up for me when no one else would. He would know how to make me laugh and temporarily forget this ache that held me so captive. He was like a living, breathing Rufio. Those days were lost to me forever though as I let cackled insults and snickering whispers drag me back down a hole I thought I'd climbed out of.

The one thing that really kept me going were the legs that Equius had made. I finally reached a point where I felt like it was time to attempt stairs. They were intimidating to say the least and after a few attempts that got no further than standing at the top staring down I decided that I couldn't practice them in the apartment building. There was way too much traffic on them by the time I got home from school and the thought of someone seeing me wobble about like an idiot was less than appealing. After some thought and planning I realized really the best place to practice was at the school, if I stayed in the library for an hour or so after the last class the halls were practically empty after that. There was one good staircase, with solid railings but in the back corner of the school so it was almost always untouched. At least, that's what a week of observation had told me. It wasn't like I would have been using the stairs before now.

I had to beg my dad to go in late to work one day so that he could give me a ride to the school with the box for the legs. With the metal contraptions stashed away in my locker I found myself actually looking forward to the final bell, it was nearly impossible for me to sit in the library until the crowds had thinned to non-existence. By now I had plenty of practice putting the braces on by myself, so when I was sure that no one would catch my I strapped myself into them at the base of the stairs. It was now or never, I just had to take the first step.

It was more painful than I thought it would be. The flesh at the top of braces pinched and chaffed more than I expected and by the first landing I realized this was going to be a long process. By the second landing I'd decided I was taking the elevator back down but only if I could reach the third floor. That was the goal. I was weak and he, he was strong but I would do this, I would push myself. Maybe if I was stronger he would notice me again, maybe he wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with me. The memory of those deep pools of blue that Equius hid behind dark glasses got me up each excoriating step.

It were those thoughts that left me too distracted to notice the shadow on the landing between the stairs and the third floor door.

"Tavroooooooos." Damnit. Not her. Anyone but her. "What on earth are you up to Torasnore?"

"Uh, nothing that um, concerns you." I mumbled the words as I gripped the railing for balance. I needed to get to the elevator, I was so tired from the climb I just wanted to go home.

"This doesn't look like nothing. In fact this looks pretty exciting. Tavros are you actually being interesting for once in your sad life?" God why did she have to be the one to catch me practicing? She would never let me live this down, she would tell everyone about this. I had wanted it to be a surprise when I was stable enough to actually come to school like this. She crept closer to me and it was my reflex that sent me flailing. I tried to step backwards, forgetting how close I was to the edge. My shaking foot came down on air and sent me reeling back down to the landing below.

My head hit the tile with a thud, my ears ringing when my vision darkened. The black passed quickly, I hadn't hit it hard enough to lose consciousness but it still left my head aching as I tried to assess the damage done. I couldn't really tell but it seemed as though something might have snapped on the left sided brace. The ringing was loud enough that I didn't hear the steps that came down to my level. Vriska had to repeat herself I think, before her words even sunk in.

"Oh no! Tavros! Have you forgotten how to fly?" I wasn't expecting her to get so close to me, her face close enough I could see the scar under her left eye that almost stole the vision in it completely. "Do you need help creating a happy thought?"

"Vriska. Please uh, please get off of me." I pushed on her shoulders but I must have landed on one of my wrists wrong because pain shot through my arm when I applied even the slightest of pressure.

"Its okay Tavros, I'll be your fairy, let me give you your pixie dust." It was horrifying, the way she was taking my favourite story and twisting into some messed up delusion. What on earth was she doing? I squirmed, trying to free myself from her trap without luck. It was the last thing I expected when she pressed her lips against mine, bruising them as I tried to pull away. She let me in favour of moving to my ear to whisper. "Fly pupa, fly."

Those words were the last thing I heard, the world went silent as my mind locked itself back in a place I thought I'd left behind. Suddenly I was free falling from my apartment, her face small and round above me watching as I crumpled from the weight of the ground. I was back in a world of drugged haze watching as doctors and nurses and who knowns who else pulled at me and prodded while I floated along. Now it was that same girl above me, her face still twisted into that manic smile as she watched me fall into myself.

I couldn't be certain but I thought I felt tears slid down my face as unwanted hands worked their way along my chest. Just like the water that made its way down my cheek I disappeared into the air as I was let go. Those words sent me back and I was eight again and unable to save myself from her.

I'd given myself up to the situation when something thundered around me, shaking the ground. The pressure on my hips was gone in a flash and blur. There was a roar all around me, low then high then low in pitch and the part of me that had fallen from reality tried to find its way awake to figure out what was going on. The roaring stopped only to be followed by the sensation of weightlessness. Through the fuzz and fog in my brain I realized that I must have hit my head far harder than I thought for dreams to feel so much like reality as they had when I was just a child trying to work my way through the light and shadows that nearly took my life. That was the only explanation I could think of when my vision finally focused long enough to see what it was that held me so high above the ground.

His glasses were askew and cracked, his mouth set in a hard line. Even though his eyebrows were furrowed in anger there was something so scared in the indigo blue eyes that stared straight ahead. It figured. Even in my dreams he wouldn't look at me. Still I lost myself in them, letting myself enjoy the vivid memory. It was lifelike enough that I could smell his aftershave, feel the ripple of his muscles where he held me to him. If I was dying then I was okay with it if this was the way my brain would carry me on to the next life. Strange how mundane it seemed when I thought of it like that.

"Tavros." The ache that shot through my chest was dull, I'd never heard my name said filled with such pain. Even when I'd been in the hospital there had been some joy in the voices around me. There was such a dark sorrow in the way my name had been murmured.

It wasn't until I felt myself lowered onto my wheelchair that the idea of this actually being reality hit me. Safely in the chair that moved me Equius pulled away, turning his head until I couldn't even attempt to read the confusing emotion there. His body was stiff and though I couldn't be certain it looked as though he were shaking. It was clear that one of his fists was shaking after the movement of it being closed into a fist drew my attention. What was he doing here? How had he known that I needed a saviour? Why had he been my saviour?

"Tavros are… are you alright?" He still hadn't turned to face me but I could hear the strain in his voice.

"I am now." Pulling myself back together in my mind I was starting to feel all the places that had landed wrong. I was going to be one giant bruise again. My head throbbed in rhythm with the pain in my back and arms. But it was my lips that stung the most, cracked and bruised by kisses I didn't want, by touches I had no defence against. Something cool slid down my cheeks and I realized I was still crying. "I am now that you saved me."

That made him turn, his glasses gone, leaving his face unsecured by anything for once. Relief and worry fought for dominance on his lips, his eyes, his face and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I'd thought that he hadn't cared at all but this expression gave me hope. Maybe I did matter to him after all?

"Tavros we should get you home." I pretended his voice hadn't cracked when he made his way to my side. "May I?" His hand hovered uncertainly by the handle of the wheelchair, coming down only after I nodded once. The action sent stars through my head and I was glad when he chose to remain silent as he helped me escape the dreaded hallway. I didn't protest when he insisted upon taking me all the way home, making sure I got to my apartment. He had to unlock the door for me, at some point my slow tears had turned into sobs that wracked through my whole body. He went so far as to get my to the bed, pulling me into a hug and just keeping my close as I tried to let all of the sorrow go. I faded out into blackness like that, his arms around me and my nose full of his scent. As sleep came to claim me at last I felt something soft pressed against my forehead, the tenderest of kisses followed by a whisper I wasn't sure if my dreams had fabricated.

"Sleep well Tavros, I'll be here to protect you."

((A/N: For those who didn't read in case of triggers, school started again but for some reason Equius isn't talking to Tavros. Tavros goes to practice with his new leg braces and runs into Vriska who tries to force herself on him only to have Equius come in and save the day.

And for those wondering why he was being so cold, and why he was there to save the day see the next chapter. I promise I'm going to try and make the next one ALLLLLLL fluff to counter balance this one~!))


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